FYI
I've given it substantial thought, and I've come to the conclusion that 2008 can just fucking blow me.
That is all.
posted by Kate at 2:02 PM link/comments
Friday, November 28, 2008
I guess he has a point
Scene: The TV has been broadcasting QVC for hours after I stopped mid-channel-surf to ogle an attractive, utilitarian purse.
Marc: This channel is REALLY annoyoing.
Me (sucked into my laptop, not paying attention): Well then change the channel.
Marc: How? I don't have the remote!
Me: Yes you do. I handed it to you like seven hours ago.
Marc: No, I do NOT have it.
Me: It's right there next to you on your chair.
Marc (locating remote): Oh ... yeah.
Me: TOLD you.
Marc: Hey! It's not MY fault I don't pay attention!
posted by Kate at 11:03 PM link/comments
Thursday, November 06, 2008
Mac, Crack, War
At some point last week, the good folks over at World of Warcraft updated their game in an effort to enhance gaming experience for people in possession of Ridiculously Expensive Video Cards, and as a result, I spent the past few days listening to Marc rage, in essence, about WoW's classism and inherent buffoonery for excluding those of us him who have 2.5-year-old laptops with factory video cards.
After the four or five hundredth time my dear husband came through the room grumbling about substandard FPS, I pointed out that we have in our possession a too-oft-ignored Mac Mini in my office that I bought when I first started my business, only months before a friend sold me his PowerBook G4, and I am far more often found working on the laptop than on the desktop.
As a result, the old ball and chain is happy, happy, happy, clacking away in there, slaughtering nine-headed MouseDragons or whatever the hell that game does. And, to make it all even more satisfying, he keeps mentioning how much less of a pain in the ass it is to use the Mac than the PC.
Another convert. You're welcome, Steve Jobs.
posted by Kate at 8:26 PM link/comments
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
I hoped ...
And it came true.
Without cynicism or irony, I can say right now that tonight, I am truly proud to be an American.
posted by Kate at 1:31 AM link/comments
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
A Nice Day for Change
I woke up this morning to a stunning Fall day and got ready to walk down to the local middle school to cast my vote.
I put on my new extra-comfy jeans and a mismatched pair of socks (need to do some laundry around here), looped the camera strap around my neck, grabbed my trusty Vitamin Water, and set off.
I was greeted outside the polling station by friendly, happy people. There were representatives from the DNC and a pair of lawyers standing by to help anyone having trouble voting.
One of the DNC workers handed me a card listing all the Dems running for office and advised me to take it with me into the booth. I thanked him and headed inside. 
There wasn't much of a line, but there were lots of people inside, much more than I usually see voting here. The little voting stands were full, so many folks were sitting along the walls of the gym completing their ballots on their knees. I wanted to take a picture of this, but shortly after I walked in, a poll worker came up to me and said I couldn't use my camera inside the gymnasium, so I handed it over for safekeeping to the woman who was handing me my ballot.
I took my ballot and voted, then took it to the scanning machine to be swallowed and counted. I retrieved my camera and left. The whole process took about half an hour.
Outside, I walked past the man who had handed me the DNC vote card. I said hello, and he asked how I was feeling.
"I feel great," I said, and I meant it. I crossed my fingers and held them up. "Go Obama," I said, and turned to make my way down the street toward my house.
"Hey, miss!" said the DNC man. I turned around.
"You know you're part of history now, right?"
"I hope so," I said.
I hope so. I really, really hope so.
posted by Kate at 11:56 AM link/comments
Saturday, November 01, 2008
Of furry, thumbless, four-legged children
Our friends Laura and Steve recently had a lovely baby boy, and in the course of discussing parenthood with Laura, we realized that there are many facets of Caring for an Infant that are comparable to Life with Dogs. Namely things like cleaning up copious vomit, finding feces in places one wouldn't normally expect, and drool.
Laura is a caring, marvelous friend, one who does not point out to me that caring for a newborn human is obviously more difficult and time-consuming than dealing with three dogs, and she has a rather saintly quality that prohibits her from blatantly pointing out my alarming propensity to talk out of my ass. Consequently, as a sort of penance, I begin making the following list:
Things Marc and I have said to or about our dogs than no one should ever say to or about their human children:
"Dammit! Quit licking your nuts!"
"Did you just go downstairs to eat cat shit?"
"Get away from me, you have fleas!"
"No! We do NOT piss on the recliner!"
"If he doesn't stop chewing on his ass, I'm gonna have to bathe him."
"No, you may not eat the bird."
"I think we need a new collar. This one's getting too tight."
"We really need to cut his balls off."
"STOP licking her ass!"
"If he gets out of that harness, I'm afraid he'll run around inseminating the whole goddamned neighborhood."
"Maybe life would be easier if we just shaved them all bald."
"We're only gonna be gone like nine hours. They'll be fine."
posted by Kate at 11:57 PM link/comments
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
The 2006 attempt didn't work out so well, but I guess it's worth another try.
Stay tuned in November.
posted by Kate at 7:07 PM link/comments
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Safety First! with Steve Sobjack, New Father
Discussing childhood Halloween memories ...
Steve: I found a needle in a Snickers bar once.
Melinda: Holy shit!
Kate: They were always warning us about that stuff, but I never heard of it happening to anyone I knew.
Steve: Yup. There was a needle. Pierced right through the middle.
Melinda: So what did you do?
Steve: Whaddya mean what did I do? I ate it.
Kate: Jesus Christ! You ate it?
Steve: Well, yeah! I took the needle out first. Then I ate around it.
Kate: Oh, well, in that case, I take it back.
posted by Kate at 4:36 PM link/comments
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Should I also bring a pair of sharpened #2 pencils?
Upon receiving the following informative missive from the Cuyahoga Board of Elections, I was initially excited by its cover. "Instructions for New Optical Scan Voting System Inside," it promised, and I thought, "The BOE is going to SCAN MY RETINAS to figure out who I'm voting for." Then I considered the fact that any such equipment was probably manufactured by Diebold, and that meant that my eyeballs could be hacked by anyone with an iPod, some jewelry wire, and an old dog-eared copy of Electric Company magazine, and I instantly felt dubious.
But no, alas, there will be no Sci-Fi-Channelesque machine that says "Access Granted" in a soothing feminine robot voice. Instead, we here in the rustbelt will be employing the skills we mastered in 1982 while taking the Iowa Test of Basic Skills. Evidence these instructions:
So, apparently, I am to fill in the circle? When I cast my vote for George Washington? Isn't he that dude who hangs out on the stoop down the street and asks me for loosies every time I walk by on the way to the bodega? Huh. I didn't even know he was running for office.
** Cross-posted at Perfidy, because I'm a lazy shit.
posted by Kate at 9:00 PM link/comments
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
I have said this before and I will say it again.
Joe Lieberman sounds exactly like Dr. Zoidberg on Futurama. I'm telling you, there's something there. Evidence this recent photo:
And they're both Jewish! Coincidence? I don't think so.
He is so into him.
posted by Kate at 11:32 PM link/comments
Sunday, August 31, 2008
This is what happens if you take a picture of your own ass and set it as the background on my cellphone, wiseguy.
Did you think I was kidding, Keith?
This is my friend Keith's ass. I think it's a rather nice ass, and if you are a single boy between the ages of 22 and 35 who agrees with me about the niceness of the ass, I will consider letting you take the owner of the ass out to dinner. At a nice place. That serves a nice foie gras, or at least a lovely cheese plate. Send resume and references to keithsass@sixlayerkate.com. All suitable candidates will be contacted for interviews.
UPDATE: I have removed the ass from the front page for ease of viewing by people who may be reading from work, places of worship, etc. If you would like to see the ass, you may click here.
posted by Kate at 1:48 AM link/comments
Monday, February 04, 2008
Elsewhere ...
SmartLassy has been transformed from a mere shopping blog to a shopping blog STORE, which means that you can go buy cool stuff from us. We'll have lots of really cool knee socks this week. Don't you want some socks? Go, go, go.
posted by Kate at 2:56 AM link/comments
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Local news teaser I just heard as I was pouring a cup of tea
"Mail-order poisonous snakes, direct to your doorstep! Tomorrow at 10."
posted by Kate at 7:58 PM link/comments
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Wildly insensitive, yes, but I couldn't stop laughing.
I'm watching Barack Obama's concession speech at the New Hampshire caucuses. Our roommate, Zack, strolls through the living room as the Obama supporters on TV chant, "We want change! We want change!"
Zack: Man, I haven't heard this many people asking for change since the last time I walked past the food mart.
posted by Kate at 11:04 PM link/comments